Trying one of the assignments set fledgling writers I found myself expounding on a topic that I realised has always been at the core of who I am. I am not sure whether it is good writing but I believe the thoughts are worth sharing.
The Basis of a Good Relationship
44 years ago I stood at the
altar next to my fiancé and in response to his identical words I publicly
stated
I ask everyone here present to witness that I, L, take
you, R, to be my lawfully wedded husband
to have and to
hold from this day forward
for better for worse
for richer for poorer
in sickness and in health
to love and to cherish
as long as we both shall live.
All I am I give
to you
And all that I have I share with you
This is my solemn vow.
TRUST - the most basic of all
characteristics in any relationship was never mentioned in a ceremony which in
the sight of God bonded each of us to the other for life.
Trust is like gravity – it
prevents everything else from floating up in the air and dissolving or disintegrating.
Trust is a deeply held belief
in the other person as someone who is always doing their best to be the best
they can and will treat you in the same way.
Recently a statement caught
my attention ‘Faith leads to hope which leads to love’. What a tragedy that in our culture we always
lead with love – such a temporary and undeveloped concept that at its root is
vital and yet so confused with emotions and expectations and sex and affection
and romance all of which have their moods!
How different it can be when
TRUST is the foundation of a relationship.
Within Trust everything has a
voice - a ground for discussion, creative thinking, compromise, changes of
mind, differing priorities, and expectations – because within Trust everything
can be owned and shared, from a safe place into a safe place, even if there are
irreconcilable differences about particular issues.
Within Trust old
expectations, inherent issues from the families of origin, differing priorities
about use of time and money, hopes for the future can all be on the agenda.
Within Trust tensions, anger, hidden agendas and unrecognised sacred cows can be brought to the surface.
With all the complexities
that choosing to make a life with another person entails there is no greater
value than TRUST which you can let your weight down into. Such TRUST when well-practised will result in
richness of life including the emergence of a lifelong LOVE.
Trust , then comes hope and love, but the first of these is TRUST.